new year resolutions

" If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." ~Toni Morrison

a new year is here, full of new ideas, a new president and new books. so in tradition of making new resolutions that never are fulfilled, i'll attempt to make a few of the changes and/or improvements i'd like to make in 2009, both writing and non-writing related.

Writing
1. Write 10 minutes each day, no matter what, whether it's a story or poem etc.
2. Finish writing either Ayrugal, Ambrosia, or Amirah Hassen (why do all my stories start with the letter A??)
3.Enter the Your Story contest from Writer's Digest.
4. Find another celebrity to interview

Non-writing
1. Keep up my grades and avoid senioritis. (very very difficult)
2. Go to the gym three times a week or treadmill at home. (i'm motivated during break, but during school, i have no energy sadly. that's why i'm destined to be a writer with all the practice i have sitting on my butt all day)
3. Practice the guitar more, so I can actually play songs and not just chords lol
4. Convince my parents to go to London this summer on my own

i hope this year was good to your writing and if it wasn't that you're prepared and optimistic for whatever the next year brings.
Writing feels like a solitary journey, but looking for inspiration and advice of other writers helps so much. I know reading about published authors who go through the same cycle of writer's block, frustration and doubt with the writing process motivates me to keep trying because it's not just me. it's connecting to your inner soul and pushing the imagination to such a high level that makes writing so difficult and thrilling at the same time.
if you haven't thought about writing before, i suggest you do because it's one of the best things to do for yourself next to yoga, massages and eating a slice of cheesecake:)

see you in 2009!

ambrosia the novel

"Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go."
-E.L. Doctorow

photo © http://www.nps.gov/wica/historyculture/images/Lake_Land.jpg

so the idea that inspired my short story "ambrosia" was actually more of a seed to a bigger plant. that's right- a novel.

of all the things i should be doing, starting another novel is NOT one of them.

i'm suffering completely of too-many-ideas syndrome and i have no patience to take the medicine for it.

maybe jumping between ideas is a good thing. keeps me motivated, interested instead of dragging boredom and avoiding my writing by saying i want to give it more space...

i've noticed though that i jump to new ideas when i find a hole in my story that i can't figure out how to fill. there's always a big question that needs to be solved and i can't decide which path i'm going to take because i'm afraid it's not good enough and if i use it, i'll write all this stuff leading up to it and then discover it doesn't work.

it's very agonizing when i get this awesome idea that gets me thinking and i realize i'm going to have to flesh it out major and add subplots and background characters etc. to make it a full novel.

my biggest problem with ayrugal is that i can't figure out Marcela's crime, which is the whole crux of the mystery of the novel. so there's no point in writing more about Adrienne and everyone else, if i don't know what happened then there's no clues to find ....

then the Seventeen fiction contest came along and i got the idea of a girl who tries to poison her family, but they're immortal so nothing happens. I wondered why she would do that and I discovered this desperate, lonely girl who has been the same age for over 100 years and is tired of being immortal. So she goes on this quest to figure out how to get rid of immortality so her corrupt, conmen family will stop what they're doing when they realize they're not invincible.

of course, this is all too much for a 500 word limit story, so I promised myself to hold off on it for a novel. i really really like the idea and i'm motivated to write this.

i just feel bad leaving another project behind to start it.

i guess we'll see how long it takes me to get tired or stuck of ambrosia and then i'll rebound with ayrugal. this is like picking favorites with two children. one way or another, you're going to owe one more time than you can give...

new poem!

© picture by f. ducatti

to celebrate finals being over and break starting, i have a new poem! on to 18 wonderful days of freedom and lots of writing:)

shut out

the door slipped and closed just before i could make it outside
just because you can't see

doesn't mean you can leave me

alone
you can't say i'm gone

just because you've moved on

'cause i won't
my spirit's a stallion, chained up,

but still dreams of the sky

time takes its time but one day i'll take mine

—and then die

©2008 n.aberra

sitting, waiting, wishing

"good things come to those who wait."

- some incredibly lonely person

so that's it.

i finally sent off "ambrosia" after three or four revisions and tons of advice from my friends.

it was weird when i finally got it down to the 500 word limit and re-read it and found that it was so different from how it first came out of my head and i loved it then. but i still love the final version.

what bummed me out was that results won't be made until august 2009. AUGUST?!?

that's in forever.

i don't have that kind of patience. i want to be declared the winner now! or find out i'm a pathetic loser whose story is not worthy of meg cabot's love lol

but the best thing after sending off a story is, of course, to keep writing and start something else.

i'm tempted to try and write another quick story since you can submit as many entries as you want.. but i don't know if its worth it. i spent 2 months on "ambrosia."

i think it's best i get back to my children's novel, currently being called Ayrugal, after the main kingdom.

i know, i know it sounds like Eragon, but it's nothing like it and it wasn't my fault.

it's just hard to write that story because there's so much i don't know about the whole world and the plot; it feels like when you're walking around in the dark and you'd rather just stand and wait for it to get more light so you can keep going.

but i'm pushing through, hoping things clear up. i really like the idea of the story and i really want to finish. doing this writing workshop last summer was an amazing catalyst for Ayrugal, even though i failed to finish the 50,000 word goal. epic fail :]

so in between watching Chuck( why does no one know about this hilarious show???), catching up on a month's worth of Heroes(it is actually good now, people, stop freaking out. i know this because the last episode i watched, my mouth was open in the closing credits, which is a good sign of awesomeness) and figuring out stupid Calculus, i will continue to write in my journal and await the news from Seventeen.

AUGUST?!?!?

brevity is the soul of wit

" brevity is the soul of wit"

So I posted my first draft of "ambrosia" to facebook to get comments back from my friends about what they think, questions, problems etc.

I got really good feedback from them like a rushed climax, more motivation needed for Andrea to take the vial and Clair to show it to her. I agree with everything.

My biggest problem is the one thing I can't change: the stupid 500 word limit!!!!

I know if I had more words, I could totally flesh out the characters and give more background to Clair and her whole becoming immortal thing, but I can't.

It's very frustrating because when the idea first hit me, it was a whole rush of thoughts and emotion that I couldn't write it down fast enough and when I did, the words were so perfect I didn't want to touch them.Now I have to clip out words, change ideas, delete characters and personality traits... all little things that when I step back and read the new draft, I feel like it's not the same story anymore. "ambrosia" just seems... blah.

I was so hopeful and excited that this was going to be the year I had a real chance at winning the Seventeen fiction contest and now that just went down the drain... with all the rain we've been having in Chandler.

I think the idea is just too much for a short short story and I'm afraid to risk it with this one. But that means I have to go back and come up with a whole nother story idea? ahhhhhhhh

This is the part I hate about writing. Feeling like you wasted your time with a story that used to mean so much to you at one point and wondering if it's best to move on or stick with it.So should I should keep going or not? This is draft 2 after adjusting to everyone's comments. It's right now 499 words.... yeah, I'm pushing it, badly.

The sky was a hushed tone of purple and we owned it. The two of us, licking the frosting off our chocolate cupcakes, hair sprawled across the lawn. Me, the quiet bookworm and Clair, the lone beauty, who strangely plucked me like a wildflower to be her companion. I never understood why. So that night, I asked her.
"What's your secret?"
Her eyes glowed for a moment, like they only did for Clair.
" My secret for what? My beautiful garden?"
She waved her hands towards the shriveled flowers and laughed. " No, I mean the secret to you. You could do whatever you want, be someone, but instead you hang out with me like you have nothing better to do. I feel like you’re hiding; you’re alone."
Clair tossed her amber hair over her shoulder. "What do you want, Andrea?” I winced. "I just want to know why this house is always empty."
" This house has been empty for fifty years and always will be," she whispered. "I like it that way."
The cupcake in my mouth suddenly tasted like dirt.
“What?”
Clair looked as if there was something clenching her insides, her eyes shrunk.
“God, I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she said.
She pulled out a slender gold vial.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“ My real secret,” she muttered.
“I remember paying all of five pennies for it from an old peddler. ‘Jus’ one drop an’ you’ll live forever, lass.’ I was sixteen, March 1892.”
“This is a story, right?”
Clair laughed bitterly.
“Oh, stop being so dramatic. When I tell you the truth, you can feel it in your bones.”
I believed her. I always had.
“I didn’t know what forever meant, not even after my parents died from pneumonia. There’s no start or end. It’s really a feeling. A horrible feeling…But you can change that. Drink this and we’ll be best friends forever, I promise.”
I looked away sheepishly.
“Forget about college,” Clair said, frowning. “It’s worthless. I can tell you everything you need to know. I’ve lived it. The world just gets older and stupider.”
“What about my family?”
“I’m your family,” she said,
She looked desperate and determined all at once. I was looking at a stranger.
“I’ve never shared this with anyone; you’re the only one I’ve ever trusted.”
“I-I need to think about this, okay? Alone?”
She pushed the glass into my palm and walked away.
Poor Clair. After hundreds of years, who was I to deny her happiness? She had chosen me after all. If I could only have an ounce of what she had, I could be just as wonderful…
I twisted open the cork. The water like electric rushed to be poured into my veins. I closed my eyes. Let it drop .The liquid flushed down the petals and stems into the soil, giving Clair the beautiful everlasting garden—and friend—she needed. The one I was only sorry I could never be.

an inspiring picture and quote

pic copyright- notes of a life

To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it's about, but the inner music the words make. ~Truman Capote

here's a beautiful picture with a great quote to match. this pretty much suffices what i'm feeling right now and why i can't wait to finish my stupid hw so i can get back to writing. it's weird when you have this creative urge to write something down. it's even weirder when you hear voices of characters from completly different stories talking and i can't figure out which one to write down first and which one to listen to.

well right now, i can only afford to listen to hw.

i can't wait until thanksgiving.

pumpkin pie+sleeping in+writing time+seeing my Hieyam= awesome holiday.

pat brown interview

I almost forgot!
i promised to put the Pat Brown interview up. here it is:

Were you always into music when you were growing up?

Well, I’ve been playing the piano since 6th grade. My mom’s a piano teacher, so music has been in my skull since I was born. And then from church camp, I saw the counselors playing guitar and got interested. My parents bought me one and then in junior high, I started to meet other people who played guitar or bands. We started off by doing Blink 182 covers and all that, but as I got older, I began discovering serious people. I started the band through people I met in other bands who had the same aspirations as me.

How’d you get your break into the business?

Our 1st show ever, we opened for Motion City Soundtrack at this Myspace Secret Show, which was a huge opportunity. It was a tiny venue in Minneapolis and we won this contest to play. . Motion City Soundtrack is from our hometown so they’re like A-list celebrities. The guitarist Josh like us and said he was interested in helping us out and wanted sit down and talk, We went out to lunch and Josh wanted to help get us in the right direction and showed to owner of Epitaph Records who signed us right away.

How did you choose the name Sing it Loud?

Choosing a name is the hardest thing, because you don’t want to be typecast, and we didn’t want to hate our name. We ended up taking the name from a song on our album ‘Let Yourself Go’, because in the bridge there’s a part that goes ‘sing out loud.’

What’s your favorite part about being in a band?

We’re all really good friends. I love stepping back and looking around to see my friends next to me on stage and I’m thinking I don’t have to go to school and work… Touring is awesome!

What music do you listen to on the road?

My favorite band is Still Canvas; Bjork is one of favorites now. It’s weird but I usually listen to bands I’m on tour with, even though you’d think I’d get sick of it, but I don’t. So I’m listening to Cobra Starship and then I know all the words when they’re on stage. [laughs]

What’s it like to tour with Cobra Starship?

Amazing, it’s really cool. This is our 1st real tour with bands in tour buses that are famous. We’re waking up every day in a city we’ve never been to; it’s great.

What inspires your songs?

Well, we write almost all our music together. It’s all things that go on in everyday lives. When we wrote album, we were in crappy relationships with girls so we got vent together in the songs. But the lyrics are going to be more happy in our next album.

If you could collaborate with an artist from a completely different genre, who would it be?

John Mayer, he’s just plain awesome. The one thing I like about him is he’s like , B.B. king and Elvis Presley, in that no matter what, he will last. There really aren’t any band that’s come out that I think we’ll remember 10-20 years. But John Mayer is someone I believe will be listened to for a hundred years.

What are your favorite songs on the album ‘Come Around’?

The last two songs, “Fade away” and “Best Beating Heart”, because I wrote all the lyrics and music. I hold those one closer to my heart than the others.

Do you ever get nervous or feel the pressure of being a celebrity?

I’ve been getting nervous just because I’m not used to playing for big as crowds as we are right now. When the lights go out and the intro starts, we walk on and there’s all the people screaming and I start freaking out. I don’t think I’ll get used it. It’s a good feeling though.

So do you do anything before you get out on stage?

Before every show, I sit by myself and don’t talk to anyone. I just lay down in van, chill and warm up my voice. I do stretch routines too because I have back problems.

Any interesting fan encounters?

I think it’s super cool when our fans research our Myspace and know what we like to eat like I love sour gummy worms and Gatorade. Some of them bring food and drinks we like to the shows.

If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

Hm, I wish I could fly. That would come in handy.

Do you ever see yourself doing anything other than music?

I have a back up plan to teach piano like my mom, but right when I got out of high school and start touring I knew I was taking a step toward goal and it’s honestly the only thing I want to do with my life.

What’s your favorite thing about the other guys in the band? Any interesting quirks?

We’re all really different. Our bass player Nate is the kid who doesn’t drink or party. He’s organized and a nice guy. Our van would be a complete mess without him because he’s super responsible. Kieran on guitar is just goodness oriented. He takes care of the big important stuff otherwise we’d be lost with out him. Ben, our keyboard player, is the funniest dude ever. He can do an impression of anybody. Chris is really chilled out with other bands and is always down to hang out. I’m the go out and party, hang out with people person. So we all bring cool elements to the table and we can all still get along.

What’s one piece of advice to aspiring musicians?

Lots of other people-family and friends- will hate on what you’re doing and can be very unsupportive. I zoned everyone out and didn’t care what everyone thought. If I would have let them get to me, I would be most unhappy person ever and have passed off the opportunity of a lifetime. Wanting to be in band is kind of a ridiculous dream like being an actor or athlete. You think it doesn’t happen to people, but it does. Just focus on what you’re doing and you’ll get there.

Make sure to go out and buy Sing It Loud’s album “Come Around” in stores now, with 11 songs featuring the guest vocals of Justin Pierre of Motion City Soundtrack and Alex Gaskarth of All Time Low.

creative drought

so i haven't been on in a while, because my mind has been so full of school stuff, my creative muses are gone, sadly.

i finally finished up the first draft of ambrosia, but i feel so lazy about rewriting. that's my least favorite part. i always wish i could write it brilliantly the first time and skip this part. but i need to type it up and give it out to my friends to read over and give me feedback.

i'm kind of anxious about that because everyone always assumes i'm good at writing just because i love it and i'm the editor in chief of the newspaper at my school...i am not looking forward to their reactions. but i don't want them to sugarcoat it either cuz i need all the help i can get.

i entered the 17 fiction contest 2 years ago, but i was trying too hard to write a story like one of the winners that i'm not surprised i didn't win.this year is different though. i really feel like my story is special and i like it.i just hope i can edit it well and make it not so choppy and full of bathos.

why do ideas sound so much better in your head than on paper??

while i wait for other people to read ambrosia, i'm trying to get back on writing something else in the meantime, but my head is empty :(
all the pressure of school and lack of sleep must be really taking a toll.
that's why i can't wait until break and graduation to finally be able to write in peace!

until then i'm going to put a writing quote and cool picture on every post from now on. maybe that will help?

on the music scene

so this week i did a phone interview with Pat Brown from the up and coming band Sing It Loud. they're actually pretty good. and yes, i still have his number:)
they're touring with Cobra Starship-snakes on a plane anyone??

anyways, he was really cool and answered all my questions, so that's nice. SIL is playing next Tuesday somewhere in Phoenix, but obviously i can't go since it's a school night.. and it's ELECTION DAY!!

i got the assignment from azTEEN magazine but i'm going to reprint the story in my school paper too, so double coverage for the band.
i always feel weird talking to celebrities because i don't know how much they expect me to know about them or compliment them or just ask professional, cuz that's just boring...

i did relate to Pat about wanting to do something that others might not like or agree with and just following your own dreams. here's to my writings dreams amounting to the same luck he got:)

i'll have the interview up sometime this weekend. this makes celebrity interview numero cuatro.. not that i'm keeping count haha
in the meantime go listen to "Best Beating Heart" on their myspace: myspace.com/singitloud

from the keyboard of a published author

so it's pretty old news that i met and interviewed Patrick Stump from Fall Out Boy :)
I saved that story and had it printed in not only my school paper, but azTEEN magazine and now Teen Ink.
You can read it at http://www.teenink.com/Interviews/article/49620/Fall-Out-Boy/
I did it for fun, but that interview ended up getting voted as the best interview and was placed on the front page of the interview section of the website
....and then they published it in the current issue of Teen Ink!

they mailed me a free copy, along with a sweet Teen Ink branded pen and then -what I found hilarious- a sticky note pad that said " from the desk of a published author."

my brother thought they were making fun of me, but i'd like to think it's a foreshadowing or a visual reminder of my dream.

one day novel, one day, you will see the light of day haha

until then i'm swamped with senior hw and trying to find time for finishing ambrosia, so i'll have more up soon as i have time to breathe.

breakthrough

so yesterday i finally got somewhere with my short story "ambrosia" and i was so excited so i'm posting what i have so far. i will probably hate it soon after, but i want to know what you think of it so far and how it makes you feel, predictions etc.

ambrosia

The sky was a hushed tone of purple blue and we owned it. The two of us, licking the frosting off our triple chocolate cupcakes, hair sprawled across the green lawn. Me, full of questions of the future, wanting to escape college applications and a dreary waitress job. Clair, full of unbelievable wonder, with nothing to escape from. I envied, her effortless, simple existence. So that night, I asked her.

"What's your secret?"

Her eyes glowed for a moment, like they only did for Clair and then she laughed.

" My secret? My secret for what? My beautiful garden?"

She stroked the shy petals of some ravishing flowers that encircled us.

" I just get good help. You know I'm a hopeless gardener." She smacked her lips.

" No, Clair. That's not what I'm talking about," I said, sitting up.

" I mean you. The secret to you. You have so much energy, always going out and planning things... cupcakes under the stars...like you have nothing going on. But you're alone. I know it."

Clair tossed her amber hair over shoulder like a lion's mane.

" What do you want, Andrea? Are you trying to ruin a Friday night?"

I looked down.

"I just want to know why this house is always empty."

She leaned forward.

" This house has been empty for fifty years and always will be," she whispered. " I like it that way."

The cupcake in my mouth suddenly tasted like dirt.

writing for money=impossible

so i'm trying to get this scholarship called the Flinn Scholarship that gives you an unbelievable $50,000 for college and into this exclusive group of Arizona students that gets special trips abroad, conferences and seminars with important people and the keys to a successful future... or at least that's what their brochures say. see look at them, they're all happy and successful.

all the students that were Flinn scholars are major involved in their school and do science fairs, play sports, are in the orchestra and are valedictorian or salutatorian in their class. and then there's me...

Applying for this Flinn scholarship will definitely make me feel less lame about not getting to apply anywhere out of state and still have that sense of accomplishment for being recognized. I'm looking forward to college because it seems like that's where you actually get to do your part in the world and start building your life.

Plus, it's free money.

filling out all the regular boring application stuff is easy like your grades, clubs, blah blah. but then of course they had to test your writing.

there are 3 essays you have to submit and they're all 500 words or less. the Flinn lady who came in said they spend time trying to come up with interesting, unique topics for us to write and for them to read and this is what came out of that:

1. Who are you? Tell us something not apparent in your application about your career goals, life experiences or an obstacle overcome. Use this response to differentiate yourself from the hundreds applying for this scholarship award.

-I basically want to write about being Eritrean and Muslim growing up in America and how that's shaped my perspective and what I want to do. It's all really messy right now , because I don't want it to be a pity, outsider story because that wouldn't be true. I'm lucky that I had a lot of friends in school and I wasn't isolated or anything. But I did feel pressure to be with the majority and experienced moments when I had to stand up for myself, so I want to talk about that in an intelligent way...

2. Eight objects reside in a box. Choose five of them and write a story. Story begins: It was a Wednesday morning and had rained all of Tuesday." Objects: baseball bat, empty Starbucks cup, detour sign, two wax bananas, a guitar, a copy of Einstein's Relativity:The Special and General Theory, skateboard, six toy soldiers.

- Yeah, I know, what? This one is really hard. I don't even know where to start. Should it be funny or serious? Which objects should I use? Help?

3. What is your view on genetic testing? Defend your choice. ( there was more to this one, but i'm too lazy to write it all out)

- this was really easy, i already wrote it up and uploaded it. Got help from Mom since she knows about that stuff and from Dad because he knows how to argue:)

I'm feel very anxious about these essays because they are my only opportunity to show my voice and make me not another application the board has to go through. They say not to try and impress them and just be yourself, but what if that's not enough? I think I'd do better in the interview. I'm more of a face to face person. You don't have to worry about hooking the audience with your opening sentence or sentence structure or transitions then.

so any advice on essay #2 or writing essays for scholarships in general, i'll take it :)

Joining the Blogging World

so this is my first post on my first blog.
i'm trying to think of something incredibly profound or witty to say, because first impressions are everything, right?

well, i'll start of by saying that this blog is a place to read about the lonely, painful, crazy, amazing art of writing and how i manage to have time for school, family, friends and life in general. to be honest, most of the things teenagers start never end up getting finished. seriously, i'm guilty of it. but i'm hoping that by keeping a daily or weekly account of what i'm doing, my pile of "to-do" stories will eventually end up on "sent to publisher or contest" stories.

So here's what I have as of now:
- Short story called "ambrosia" for Seventeen Fiction Contest due in December
- Untitled Middle grade novel that I started 2 years ago... sigh...
- Untitled Picture book idea

it'll be an interesting ride where you'll probably read some rants or me asking for help on stories i'm working on or about how senior year is taking over or current events that get me thinking.

hopefully, i can inspire or atleast relate to anyone else who dreams of becoming a writer for a living or atleast entertain those of you don't.
that's all for now :)